I’m a Winner

I always say that I hate contests, but the truth is the only reason I hate them is because I never win them. Well, I can’t say that anymore because just last week I stopped being a loser and started being a winner.

I’m not just talking about becoming the International World State Pushup Champion. That win came on the heels of my first win, the win that turned my life around. I won a contest sponsored by Southernerds. Here I am with all of my winnings.


Yes, I have swag and you don’t. Don’t worry though, you can buy your own nerdy swag on their website. It won’t be as good as mine though because you bought yours, but you can pretend.

I know some of you out there have never been winners. No, winning a three legged race when you were in fourth grade doesn’t count because you had to share the prize with someone else, and I saw you trip the other team just inches from the finish line.

Since you haven’t been a winner before you’re probably wondering how it feels. There’s only one way to describe it. It feels gosh darn amazing.