Nebulous Mooch

I forgot to put the files for my video intro on my laptop before I left the UK. Anyway, here’s a video with no great intro music.

We were supposed to fly out of Tampa at 11:22 yesterday morning, but our plane needed repairs. After hours of waiting and standing in lines, we finally ended up on a flight that left at about 6:50 in the evening. Spending all that time in the airport can be great for developing endurance and honing your observation skills.

During my time there I learned that when someone announces a code 3 no one is allowed to leave the security area, but if there is a code 10 everyone just ignores it.

The airport floors are extremely shiny. The airport also appears to be sloped. No wait, that’s just my sloppy photography skills.

People at the airport do a lot of waiting and reading while waiting. (I guess I always knew that.)

Once you realize it will be hours before your plane leaves it’s much nicer to hang out by the airport hotel’s swimming pool.

Airline food has never been good. I think the the best food I’ve eaten on a plane was on Korean Air. They used to serve bi bim bap (a traditional Korea rice dish) and it was always quite delicious.

We usually fly on Delta, because they love to fly and it shows. Really it’s just because we usually find the best prices on Delta. My anti-jet lag fasting regime is made easier by the fact that the food is so bad. They always seem to serve a piece of rubbery chicken that tastes like it’s been rubbed in someone’s sweaty armpit. The chicken is usually service with odd tasting rice and vegetable cooked beyond recognition. If you don’t want the chicken and you’re not avoiding gluten you can have the pasta that’s been cooked so much that you don’t have to bother with the inconvenience of chewing. It just dissolves in your mouth like pasta should.

Recently, we flew United and I have to say that after dealing with Delta’s disgusting food so often United’s meals seemed luxurious. The vegetables were recognizable. The chicken was still rubbery, but didn’t have the armpit aftertaste. For a snack before landing we were served a chickpea and eggplant salad that was actually nice.

Flying with United isn’t all sunshine and sausages though. They do have a bit of a bad reputation for their treatment of musical instruments that they live up too. While my husband’s bass was still in working order, his bass case was all busted up when we claimed our baggage after the flight. Flying with United is too much of a risk for us. We’ll just have to suffer with Delta’s disgusting meals.

Picture by Like_the_Grand_Canyon.

Our flight back to the UK was less than perfect to say the least. It started with my desire to eat sushi for dinner in the Detroit airport being much stronger than my desire to make our connecting flight. We were among the last passengers to board the plane.

Once everyone was settled in the pilot made some announcements and we started towards the runway. Everything was looking ideal. I had a window seat and there was only one screaming child on board…perfect. Then much to my dismay the plane stopped moving and the pilot announced that there were some mechanically difficulties that would be fixed in a few minutes. Though we returned to the gate we had to stay on the plane. More than two hours later we were ready to take off again.

Just before leaving the gate the pilot announced that anyone who would rather fly tomorrow had three minutes to get off the plane. Why didn’t he make this announcement two hours ago? No one moved. I think it was the three minute time limit that dissuaded them. Once the three minutes were up we started towards the runway again.

I’m happy they fixed our plane before it took off and possibly came tumbling back towards the Earth in a ball of flames because there was a malfunction with the wing. But, I wasn’t happy that it was one of those old school planes with one movie screen for everyone to watch instead of the individual screens in the seat backs. I also wasn’t happy to experience the flight crew’s nasty attitudes and general rudeness. I don’t like having the lights suddenly switch on at one thirty in the morning for meal service, especially when the meal is rubbery chicken, overcooked broccoli, limp salad and a stale rice cake.

When we finally got off the plane 10 hours later, I carefully checked out the first class section as we walked through. Next time I’m sitting in those large roomy seats and eating caviar off real china. I’m sure the flight attendant in first class was polite.

I travel quite a bit so I’ve been in a lot of airport, but somehow I’ve managed to avoid JFK until now. I expected so much more from this airport that I hear mentioned on television and in movies on a regular basis. I expected expansive open terminals lined with fancy stores where weary travelers can spend their money on useless overpriced items in a jet-lag induced haze. Boy, was I wrong.

Instead, I experienced an airport that smelled faintly of poop. Even though there was no actual construction going on the airport felt like it was under construction. I kept thinking that maybe it would be a nice airport once they finished working on it.

Our layover was only 2 hours and most of that time was spent going through immigration and customs. Once we got through immigration and customs we had to stand in line to go through security screening again before going into the terminal for our transfer. What do they think I’m going to have on me? I just got off the airplane. Then we walked around the narrow halls of our terminal. I’ve never seen an airport with hallways this narrow. The foot traffic was constantly getting blocked up by confused travelers lugging around oversized bags.

No Gucci store, no seafood bar, no shiny tile floors. This airport was a shabby disappointment. I give it one star.

I used to love to fly, but these days I don’t like it so much. I think the seats on planes have gotten smaller or maybe I’ve gotten larger. Sitting on a plane in economy class next to a stranger is no picnic, especially when that stranger is a rather large young man who has just drenched himself in cologne.

On the way to the States we were lucky enough to be seated by the window. My husband took the aisle seat and I sat by the window. There were only two seats in the row so everything was heavenly or at least as heavenly as an eight hour flight could be. On the way back to the UK we were seated in the middle section of the plane. Since my husband is taller than me I let him have the aisle. When the passenger who would be seated to my right finally arrived I wasn’t too keen on sitting next to him. He was tall, broad and stinky. Though my husband offered to trade seats with me I declined. I thought I could tough it out.

Toughing it out was hard though. This young man’s elbow kept drifting over the arm rest into my territory. My husband kept leaning over to me and saying, “You’ve got to claim your space.” I’m just not agressive enough though. At one point I even woke up from to find that this young man had taken off his shoes and put them under the seat in front of me.

The other thing I can’t tolerate about flying is the food. I’ve never smelled anything more disgusting in my life than airplane food. It’s so horrendous. I don’t know how anyone could eat it. Of course the young man to my right ate his entire meal and his girlfriends meal too. When we first moved to the UK I tried to eat an airplane meal and nearly threw up. Even writing about it now makes me heave.

Besides the lack of space, the food, sitting down for extended periods of time, the airplane toilets, super thin airplane blankets, layovers, dealing with luggage and my general travel anxiety, everything else about flying is pretty good. I can’t wait to do it again.

We went to Florida for Christmas again this year. Usually, we fly through Atlanta, but this year the cheapest tickets took us through Dallas. I never understand why it costs so much more to fly direct. The more layovers you have the cheaper the flight, but doesn’t it seem like it should be the other way around?

Besides adding a significant number of hours to our trip, the Dallas airport provided us with entertainment every time. My stepson, dressed like some kind of foreign dignitary, found joy in riding the monorail between terminals. The monorail is known as Skylink to us in the know.



Lovelyn | MySpace Video

On our return trip layover, we got off the plane and were greeted by a lovely Texas scene complete with camp fire, bales of hay, and rocking chairs chained together to prevent theft.

My stepson likes countries. He can tell you the name of the leader of just about any country and the type of government they run. He has lots of very strong opinions about these leaders and governments.

Lately, he’s taken to naming a country and then asking if I’d like to go there. I think he would base his decision on whether or not he approves of their government. That’s probably a good way to make that decision, but as with most things, I found myself making that decision with my stomach.

“How about Thailand?” he’d ask.

“Yeah, I’d go there. I really like their curry.”

“India?”

“Of course, I’ll go any place with curry.”

“How about Iran?”

“No, I don’t think so.” I’d watched part of a show on the BBC the previous day called Taste of Iran. I’d only watched the first 20 minutes, but the food just didn’t seem appealing. It was so unappealing that I had to just turn the show off.

Most people travel to see the sites. They want to have their pictures taken next to famous landmarks. I want to travel the world with my taste buds. I’d rather eat something I’ve never eaten before than see something in real life that I’ve seen in pictures a million times before.

We’ve ended another day of being awake for 24 hours and have arrived safely home to gray skies and freezing weather.

Once we’re over the jet lag, things will be back to normal.

Besides the delicious food, the static filled headsets that hurt my ears and the stale disease-ridden air, the best thing about flying is the Sky Mall. I usually find myself flipping through it a few hours after take off. By that time I’m usually no longer able to concentrate on the book I brought along with me to read and I’ve already failed to complete the crossword puzzle in the back of the in-flight magazine

I like to flip through the pages and wonder who would actually buy things like this useful indoor dog toilet.

Complete with porous artificial turf that gives off a pleasant organic scent. The tray beneath can be easily emptied and hosed down. Is that turf porous enough to let a turd pass through it? It’s a bargain at only $149.95!

Oh, and this is a steal for only $199.95.