Shopping At Home Depot

home-depotNow that we have a house I can’t believe the amount of trips to Home Depot we’re making. Previously, I could count the number of times I’d been to that store on my fingers. I think I exceeded that amount in just one month.

I find Home Depot to be almost as embarrassing as Joann Fabrics. The problem with Home Depot is that the employees I’ve encountered are just way too helpful. If you ask them where an item is located in the store not only do they escort you to the appropriate aisle, but they explain each choice to you and stand there while you try to make a decision. Give me some breathing room. I can’t decide on anything with you standing over me like that.

I would like to wallow in my confusion alone. I like the stress of wondering whether the item I’m about to purchase really will work for me. It makes life more of an adventure. I’m pretty sure you don’t get a commission so why is all this hovering necessary?

I wonder if this happens to other people or is it that obvious that I have no idea what I’m doing. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t know what anything I’m looking for is actually called. I have to give a description of what the object does instead of just saying a name. It’s almost like I don’t speak English. Actually I speak English, I just don’t speak Home Depot.

Maybe the glazed look I get in my eyes when I start looking at my various choices tips them off. I swear my husband and I spent twenty minutes in the lawn mower aisle the other day trying to make a decision. We should discuss our options before we head out to the store.

Eventually, I’ll get good at this Home Depot thing. Maybe then they’ll give me an honorary degree in DIY and a bright orange smock of my very own.

Note: I used to be so ignorance about home repair that I thought DIY was actually DYI. I’m not sure what I thought it stood for.

Photo by Neubie

Couponing

Have you ever seen a show called Extreme Couponing? In case you haven’t, I’ll explain the premise. The show follows a coupon obsessed family as they plan a grocery store trip. Sounds like exciting stuff, right? I don’t know about how your shopping trips go, but you could make a whole reality show about my trips to the grocery store. It could be called How Did I Spend So Much.

These shopping trips are no normal shopping trips though. They involve hundreds of coupons, maps of the grocery store, and days of preparation. Their shopping takes hours and hours and most of those hours are spent being rung up by the cashier. Afterwards when everyone realizes that their savvy coupon clipping has just saved them $493.87 the entire store breaks into applause. How could you not applaud that kind of savings, even if you were the one stuck in line behind them for an hour?

My mother is no stranger to a coupon book. Reports say, that my sister has also taken to clipping coupons. I, on the other hand, do not even look at coupons.

If they had coupons for things I actually bought, I’d use them. But, coupons always seem to be things like cereal bars or sanitizing wipes. We don’t eat cereal, especially not in the bar form, and while I like sanitizing things as much as the next person, I don’t like the idea of buying anything that is called a wipe.

The extreme couponers can have their show, their epic shopping trips and their dancing at the cash register because they saved so much. I’ll continue to wonder aimlessly around the grocery store with no list and look shocked by the final bill at the register.

Photo by krossbow

You’re Going to Wear That?

The following event occurred in December of 2010, but I kept forgetting to post it.

On a shopping trip to one of my mother’s favorite stores, The Homing Shopping Network Outlet Store, my sister found these crazy shoes.

They are obviously the results of a love affair between a sandal and a boot. I’m going to refer to them as bandals. I can’t figure out when you might wear a shoe of this nature. It seems to me that if you wore your bandals when it was warm outside your ankles would sweat. On the other hand if you wore your bandals when it was cold your toes would freeze. So I guess bandals are designed with moderate temperatures in mind, but I’m reluctant to expose my toes even in moderate temperatures. Bandals must not be for people who tend to have cold feet.

My sister has a knack for finding the funniest clothes in the store. On this shopping trip she also found a strange cardigan configuration that resembled bat’s wings. It looked something like this.

Okay, maybe my drawing doesn’t quite do it justice. The cardigan looked more like this.

She also took me to the mall at one point to show me a particularly unfortunate outfit a mannequin at Forever 21 was sporting. It looked something this.

Actually, it looked worse than that, but with artistic talents as advanced as mine it’s hard to draw something that looks as terrible as that outfit.

I had to buy a new pair of jeans recently and I found that it is much easier to find clothes to laugh at then it is to find clothes that I would actually wear.

Are My Ears Ringing?

The fire alarm started to sound when I was in the grocery store today. No one even flinched. They all just carried on shopping like nothing was happening. “What’s that?” I asked my husband just to make sure I wasn’t the only one hearing it.

“Sounds like the fire alarm,” he said. He didn’t seem concerned at all so I decided I shouldn’t be concerned either. I just continued picking out produce.

What’s the point of having fire alarms if everyone just ignores them?