Nebulous Mooch the Movie

Clapper Board and ReelOne of the best things about having a life as incredibly interesting as mine is knowing that one day it will be immortalized in a motion picture–a comedy of course. I’ve always known that I would be involved in movie making. I’m not interested in the acting side of things. Halle Berry would probably do a much better job of pretending to be me than I ever could. I know she’s like a million years older than me, but I don’t mind.

I’ll write the screenplay which will be a breeze to do. I think it should feature a lot of slapstick comedy–falling down and pies in the face. Who doesn’t think a good banana cream pie in the face is funny?

Does the lead singer of Coldplay act? I was thinking that he could play my husband. My stepson would play himself, of course. He can really ham it up. I haven’t figured out who would play any of the other characters though. As the screen writer that isn’t my place anyway. I’m sure that once I finally convince Martin Scorsese to direct it, he’ll take care of the casting. I picture the movie being a nice family comedy. That’s right up his alley, right?

Note: I just told my husband about my movie plans and he said that Kevin Bacon would definitely play him. “People tell me I look like Kevin Bacon all the time,” he said. I wonder which people tell him this. I don’t see the resemblance, but who am I?

Photo by M4D GROUP

Nothing Beats a Lifetime Movie

I love a good story. That’s why I love to sit down an watch a movie every now and again. I saw Silver Lining’s Playbook last week and really enjoyed it. That renewed my desire to see movies.

You see, I’ve been burned by Hollywood in the past. You know how it is, they lure you in with an exciting trailer and it turns out that the best thing about the whole movie was the trailer. It’s a drag really. Who has a few hours to waste on a crappy story? Not me that’s for sure.

Sometimes you see a movie because you know it will be comically bad. That’s what the Lifetime Movie Network is good for. There are nights when you just need to put on your pajamas and sit down with a bowl of popcorn to watch a Lifetime movie.

I did that a few nights ago minus the popcorn. I can’t for the life of me remember the name of the movie, but the plot was standard for Lifetime.

Woman meets man.

Man seems too good to be true.

Woman’s best friend warns woman that something isn’t quite right about man.

Best friend suddenly dies.

Man comforts woman.

Relationship moves forward.

Something doesn’t seem right but woman ignores it.

Woman starts snooping around on a hunch.

Woman finds out man is really bad bad bad.

Woman confronts man about findings alone in an isolated setting.

Man attacks woman.

Struggle ensures.

Here is where a the story can vary a little. One of several things may happen.

Option 1: Woman kills man.

Option 2: Someone shows up to save woman and kill man.

Option 3: Police come to arrest man.

Option 4: Man somehow flees and disappears forever.

I’m probably missing some options here. Let me know if you can think of any other common endings.

Why do I watch these movies if I already know what’s going to happen? They are comforting in a way. Maybe it’s the bad acting. Maybe it’s the fact that most claim to be a true story and I can sit there thinking, “I can’t believe she fell for that. I’d never fall for that.”

Whatever the reason for watching sometimes nothing beat a Lifetime Movie.