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I finally got my pet fox. Her name is Penny and she’s taken up residence in our upstairs neighbor’s neglected garden. She likes to sit in the sun on the patio.
I was convinced that Penny was rabid. Foxes are nocturnal and though she was doing a lot of lounging, she was still active during the day. After doing a lot of worrying about it, I decided to send my husband out to find out. My theory was that if Penny was indeed a normal fox she would run away as he approached the back gate. If she was rabid she would run toward him, knocking him to the ground, and tearing the flesh from his neck. I thought this experiment was best done during the day when the doctor’s office up the street was open.
Penny passed the test. She ran away just like a normal fox should. The only problem is that she hasn’t come back since. Too bad, I was looking forward to having a pet. I’ll just have to make due with the fat willowy legged spider under the bathroom sink. I named her Pumpkin and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have rabies.
The other night I was looking out my living room window when I saw a most disturbing sight. Okay, it wasn’t as disturbing as the giant rat that strolled up the sidewalk in the middle of the day and disappeared into my neighbor’s drain pipe, but it was still pretty disturbing. Anyway, back to the story…
A fox ran up the footpath by my flat and scampered across the road! That may sound completely uneventful to you, but for me it was like finding out that radioactive zombies live behind my house. Foxes are like huge mutant squirrels. Like squirrels, they always seem to be trying to cross the road. No wild animal of that that size should live in an urban setting.
In Florida the largest most ferocious wild animals I had to deal with were raccoons and palmetto bugs.
This is a Palmetto bug.
My husband just told me that raccoons are larger than foxes. He also seems to believe that if a fox and a raccoon got into a fight the raccoon would win. I don’t believe him. When I asked him what he had against raccoons he said, “There’s something sinister about a raccoon. They have rabies and they’re always wearing a mask.”
For the record I would just like to say that not all raccoons have rabies and they can’t control the whole mask thing.
So you’re probably thinking, enough about foxes already, but I have just one more thing to add. I found this video about people keeping a red fox as a pet. I’m not partial to the red fox. There’s something freaky about their eyes. I like the silver fox or even the small fennec fox. I know you were wondering about my fox preferences. Anyway here’s the video.
Have you heard of domesticated foxes? Apparently, some people raising silver foxes for fur in Russia decided to try to tame them so they would be easier to raise and kill. I think I heard about this on Radio Lab not too long ago. If you don’t know about Russian domesticated foxes you can find out more about them here.
As the foxes became tame they developed features similar to dogs. Some had floppy ears or white marking or even blue eyes. They are friendly animals with the independence of a cat and the loyalty of a dog. Doesn’t that sound like an ideal pet?
When I saw the pictures of the domesticated foxes online I immediately wanted one. I used to imagine my pet fox curling up next to me on the sofa. I’m not sure what you do with a fox exactly. Can you walk a fox? Do they use a litter box? Do they purr? Is a fox more like a cat or a dog? Even without knowing the answers to these vital questions I wanted a domesticated Russian fox…until about a month ago when I realized something disturbing about foxes.
When we moved into this flat we started hearing some disturbing noises late at night that sounded kind of like someone torturing a dog. One night when the noise was particularly loud my husband said, “Maybe that’s what a fox sounds like.” Curious I looked up fox calls online and this is what I found. The noise is a fox.
If that upsetting noise is the sound my pet fox will be making, I don’t want one. My dreams of owning a pet fox are over. The pet monkey that I’ll never have can play with the pet fox that I’ll never have in my imagination. Pets are easier to take care of when they’re imaginary, don’t you think?
