My head was swirling with brilliant ideas last night. I couldn’t wait to get up and hit the ground running because that’s what hardworking go-getters like myself do. Too bad the universe was conspiring against me.
When you work online having a reliable internet connection is kind of important. It’s hard to execute my piles of brilliant ideas without it. Much like it would be difficult for a highly skilled professional grilled cheese sandwich maker to make a sandwich with no cheese, bread, or grill. I think you’ve got the picture now.
I got up this morning, pretended to do some yoga, made my breakfast, and happily sat down at the computer to get to work. Much to my dismay once my three-thousand-year-old laptop finally booted up it said it couldn’t find a wireless connection. That’s not surprising at all because my computer has a notoriously bad relationship with WiFi, but I have ways of fixing that.
I’m actually quite good with electronics. How do you think I got my laptop to last this long? I’m sure you don’t know anyone else with a three thousand year old laptop, and if you do they’re probably lying to you. Trust me, some people say all kinds of ridiculous things just to impress you.
My laptop was excavated from King Tut’s tomb in 1922. It was actually the prototype for all of the computer technology you have now. You know that iPhone that your very life depends on. You can thank my ancient Egyptian laptop for that. I just slapped some Dell logos on this bad boy once I stole it from the Smithsonian to keep the FBI off my trail. I’m just telling you because I consider us friends now and I’m pretty sure you won’t turn me in.
Even if your computer isn’t three thousand years old, I’m sure it gives you trouble from time to time. I’m going to let you in a secret that will fix whatever is wrong with it every time. I always use this technique, and look at how far it’s gotten me. So here goes.
Step One: Scowl and talk to it. Don’t be mean or anything. Try to reason with it.
Step Two: Restart it. Turn it off and turn it on again. This is a highly technical step that works on all kinds of electronics.
Step Three: Still not working? Now you can start yelling. I like to repeat these words. “Are you kidding me with this? Are you kidding me? You must be kidding me!”
Step Four: Restart it again. They say the second time is a charm or is it the third time?
Step Five: Still not working?!!!! Rough it up a bit. Really show it who’s boss. Nothing helps delicate electronics like knocking them around a bit. Maybe something is loose inside and it just needs a good whack to fall back into place.
Step Six: Restart it one last time.
These steps usually work, but if they don’t you might have to call a professional for help. Good luck!