Nebulous Mooch

I finally got my pet fox. Her name is Penny and she’s taken up residence in our upstairs neighbor’s neglected garden. She likes to sit in the sun on the patio.

I was convinced that Penny was rabid. Foxes are nocturnal and though she was doing a lot of lounging,  she was still active during the day. After doing a lot of worrying about it, I decided to send my husband out to find out. My theory was that if Penny was indeed a normal fox she would run away as he approached the back gate. If she was rabid she would run toward him, knocking him to the ground, and tearing the flesh from his neck. I thought this experiment was best done during the day when the doctor’s office up the street was open.

Penny passed the test. She ran away just like a normal fox should. The only problem is that she hasn’t come back since. Too bad, I was looking forward to having a pet. I’ll just have to make due with the fat willowy legged spider under the bathroom sink. I named her Pumpkin and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have rabies.

Have you heard of domesticated foxes? Apparently, some people raising silver foxes for fur in Russia decided to try to tame them so they would be easier to raise and kill. I think I heard about this on Radio Lab not too long ago. If you don’t know about Russian domesticated foxes you can find out more about them here.

As the foxes became tame they developed features similar to dogs. Some had floppy ears or white marking or even blue eyes. They are friendly animals with the independence of a cat and the loyalty of a dog. Doesn’t that sound like an ideal pet?

When I saw the pictures of the domesticated foxes online I immediately wanted one. I used to imagine my pet fox curling up next to me on the sofa. I’m not sure what you do with a fox exactly. Can you walk a fox? Do they use a litter box? Do they purr? Is a fox  more like a cat or a dog? Even without knowing the answers to these vital questions I wanted a domesticated Russian fox…until about a month ago when I realized something disturbing about foxes.

When we moved into this flat we started hearing some disturbing noises late at night that sounded kind of like someone torturing a dog. One night when the noise was particularly loud my husband said, “Maybe that’s what a fox sounds like.” Curious I looked up fox calls online and this is what I found. The noise is a fox.

If that upsetting noise is the sound my pet fox will be making, I don’t want one. My dreams of owning a pet fox are over. The pet monkey that I’ll never have can play with the pet fox that I’ll never have in my imagination. Pets are easier to take care of when they’re imaginary, don’t you think?

Photo by nicknbecka

This post appears in FFYF blog carnival.