It’s December 4th and the war on Christmas has already begun. Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner? I love a good war especially a good pretend one.
I’ve been trying to figure out what one might wear to properly fight a war on a holiday and I’m thinking that if I pair some camouflage pants with an oversized Christmas sweater that might work. I think I have a Christmas ornament in a box in the closet. I could throw it at someone whilst yelling “Happy Holidays.” Or am I supposed to be yelling “Merry Christmas?” The problem is that I have no idea who the enemy is. I wouldn’t want to assault the wrong person with a glitter covered pine cone or yell the wrong joyful phrase.
Wars on holidays suck. It’s all too vague. If only I had a copy of Mannheim Steamroller Christmas. I heard that if I play the album backwards I’d find out everything I need to help win this war. Or maybe I’ll find out how to make a perfect chocolate souffle. Either way a copy of the album could be useful. Eggnog would be useful too, but I’m too tired to go to the store. Wouldn’t it be good if you could download eggnog?