Breaking News

I checked the local SPCA website yesterday only to discover that Spooky the cat wasn’t listed. Frantically, I scanned the recently adopted section and there he was. Spooky was adopted on February 9, 2013. I am so happy I can’t even begin to tell you. I was afraid that I would have to adopt him to make up for talking so much smack about him.

I don’t know how he managed it. He must’ve tricked his new owner by dressing up as a Great Dane and hanging out in the dog section. Great Danes are popular at the SPCA. When one turns up they only last a day before they get adopted.

Good for Spooky. I’m glad he managed to find someone with a bigger heart than me. Now I can check out some of the other cats the next time I visit the shelter instead of spending all of my time trying to befriend Spooky.

Manti Te’o, Spooky the Cat, and Catfish

In light of certain events that have happened to me this weekend, I’d like to say that I know exactly how Manti Te’o must be feeling. That’s right, you don’t have to be a naive college football player to be fooled by a fake internet profile. I have a catfish story of my very own, and this one involves a cat.

I like to peruse the local SPCA website looking for pets that I can adopt once I get my very own house. I look at dogs of course, but cats also interest me. Since August there’s been a certain cat on the site that I’ve had my eye on. His name is Spooky and besides his issue with other male cats he seemed like a good find. Here’s his profile:

spooky

He’s friendly, curious, active and social, and he likes to ride in cars. Doesn’t he sound great. Just look at his cute little kitty cat face. Well, don’t believe everything you see online. Anybody can steal someone else’s profile picture, pass it off as their own, and completely make up a bunch of really nice things about themselves. I know Spooky didn’t write his own profile. He pays people to do his dirty work for him.

On Saturday I decided to go to the SPCA to meet the animals that I’ve spent months looking at online. One of my primary goals was to meet Spooky.

The cat section of the SPCA has a series of glass inclosed rooms. Each room has cats roaming around inside. Visitors can go into the rooms to meet the cats. I searched the profiles taped on the glass doors looking for Spooky. When I finally found him we entered that room.

There were five cats in the room, but one grabbed our attention first. “That’s the biggest cat I’ve ever seen,” my husband said gesturing to the jet black cat spilling over the sides of a cat hammock. “Is that Spooky?”

“No,” I said confidently. “Spooky is a medium sized cat.” As I looked around the room and realized that he was the only completely black cat my heart sank. Could this be Spooky? I wondered. Could that be the medium sized active cat that I fell in love with? That was impossible. If he’s medium what’s a large cat look like? Do they have lions in the back room or something?

We played with a black cat with a splash of white fur on her chest while Spooky slept. Occasionally his enormous dandruff covered back would twitch, but he never woke. Before we left we asked a volunteer if the large black cat sleeping in the hammock was Spooky. She checked his tag and nodded. “Yeah, that’s Spooky,” she said.

I couldn’t deny it any longer. I’d been had. As much as I wanted to hide the fact I couldn’t. That’s why I’m telling you now. It’s best to confess to being the victim of a hoax before some busy body reporter finds out and blasts it all over the television news channels.

Will I see Spooky again? Probably. Will I adopt Spooky in the future? I don’t know. It just depends on whether or not I can get over the way he deceived me for the past six months. It depends on whether or not I believe his apology … if he ever wakes up long enough to give me one.

Hey guys. The other day Funny Not Slutty published a guest post that yours truly wrote. It’s all about New Year’s Resolutions. I encourage you to read it and make a comment if you’re so inclined. Here’s the post.

Walking the Cat

So you all know about my latest obsession with dogs which is much different than my obsession with foxes because I could actually get a pet dog one day. I guess I could get a pet fox too, but that’s not as easy as just popping by the pound and picking one up.

I keep trying to imagine my pet dog and what she might be like. I scroll through the SPCA website and pick out contenders. I think I’ll name my dog Lettuce. I’ve decided that’s a good doggy name. I’m also going to get a cat and name him Bacon. Every time I tell my husband that I plan on teaching Bacon to walk on a leash he looks at me like I’m crazy.

“You take dogs for walks, why can’t you take a cat?” I say.

“You just don’t,” he says.

My husband obviously has no vision. He has no idea that I’m going to start a world wide cat and dog walking trend. I imagine myself walking Bacon and Lettuce together on a leashes through my new sidewalk filled neighborhood. It will be great. We’ll get so much exercise and I’ll be totally in control. People will point and say look at that lady walking a cat and a dog on leashes. I’ll wave and smile with pride.

Everyone will think, “Gee that lady has a good idea.” Before you know it in every country in the land people will start waking their cats and dogs together. Inspired by the new found harmony between cat and dog all people will stop fighting and peace will spread across the Earth. All of this walking will cure the obesity epidemic and people will be healthier.

The world will be a much better place just because I taught my cat to walk on a leash with a dog. Once they get the walking down I’m going to teach my dog to drive a car and my cat to read a map.

Now I just need to get the cat and dog.

Meow

In movies about dogs and cats, why are the cats always the bad guys? What’s wrong with cats? I like cats. We always had pet cats when I was growing up. They are independent and mysterious. Some call them aloof, but they just don’t understand cats.

There is a cat that lives outside our apartment. She sleeps under our balcony. Sometimes she sits at our sliding glass door and cries to be let in. She’s a strangly patterned cat. She’s not quite gray and not quite brown. When we go outside, we have to be on the alert because sometimes she tries to slip into the house.

Yesterday she did just that. My husband ran inside to grab sometime he forgot–he’s always forgetting something. When he turned around to leave she had just crept into the front door. My husband said that she was looking all wide-eyed and skiddish. He quickly chased her out.

I like this cat. We’ve talked about adopting her but none of us can really make the commitment. I don’t want to house train her. I don’t want to clean a litter box. I don’t want to pay for vet bills. I think she might already belong to someone anyway. Even though she’s not wearing a collar, she looks so well groomed.

She disappears for a few days at a time and then she comes back. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has more than one home. Cats like that adopt people. She’s probably adopted a few to suit her various needs.

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