Nebulous Mooch

My husband made a startling observation the other day. When I heard it, I nearly fainted. Before you read the rest of this make sure you’re comfortably seated. Are you ready?

I’m 34. When did that happen? I’d been walking around for the past seven months living the life of a 33 year old. I’d been thinking 33-year-old thoughts and saying 33-year-old things. And all the while, I was 34.

This whole turn of events happened when I mentioned being 33 to my husband the other day. “You’re not 33,” he said. I was excited by this statement because I actually thought I was rounding up and that maybe he’d say, “You’re really 32.” He didn’t say that. This is what he said, “You’re 34.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You were born in 1974. This is 2008. That makes you 34.”

“No, I’m not,” I insisted. He obviously had no idea what he was talking about.

“You’re birthday’s in May. You’re 34 and I’m 43.”

“You’re 43!” This was completely astonishing to me.

“Unfortunately,” he said.

I’m glad I’m not the one that’s 43, I secretly thought as I left the room.

My husband is nine years older than me. I like to remind him of this as much as possible. Not because the age difference is a big deal to me, but because I like to see him squirm when I use the word older in reference to him. My father is 15 years older than my mother. I think that my grandfather was nearly 25 years older than my grandmother–now that’s a big age difference! I can’t even imagine. So, I’m keeping the family tradition alive.

Though we have an age difference, people usually assume we are the same age. They are shocked when they discover my husband’s age. Upon finding out that my husband was 41, one of my friends sat on our sofa and said, “That’s amazing!” repeatedly. I guess he does look young for his age.

One day an elderly woman started talking to us. She thought we looked like a nice couple. She talked to us for a little bit. As she talked, I was stunned by what she was saying. First she told my husband that he looked too young to be married.

“How could you be married? You’re so young,” she said to my husband. Then she turned to me and said, “Don’t worry. You have such beautiful skin, you’ll never age. White skin ages so fast. One day you’ll meet in the middle.” What’s that suppose to mean?

I must look older than he does. I looked at myself extra hard in the mirror that night after washing my face. I didn’t see many wrinkles–just a few lines under my eyes. Are these few wrinkles enough to make me look older than him? I hope not. I’m not into beauty products, but maybe I should look into buying some anti-aging cream. I could solve the problem by stressing my husband out so much that he gets some gray hair and wrinkles, but I would never do that.