Nebulous Mooch

When I was about thirteen my parents stopped putting up a Christmas tree. Don’t think that I was abused and deprived of Christmas. My sister and I were included in the decision. Even though we shunned the Christmas trees and Christmas wreaths there was one Christmas tradition that my mother just couldn’t get rid of…Santa Mouse.

You’ve never heard of Santa Mouse? Well let me tell you the story.

Santa has always been a bit sloppy with his food. He spills crumbs all over the floor. To maintain his hefty physique, he has to eat some pretty rich food. Needless to say Santa’s house is the perfect residence for a mouse or two. 

There is one little mouse who used to watch Santa happily filling his sleigh with presents every year and that mouse would say to the other mice, “That looks like so much fun. I wish I could give people presents and make them smile.” 

Normally, people don’t smile when they see a mouse..especially not a mouse in their house. Normally, they shriek with disgust and jump on a chair. That’s why the mice have to try their best to stay out of sight. This mouse didn’t want to scare people though. He wanted to make them smile. 

One year, he decided that he was ready to leave the North Pole with Santa to deliver a very special present to a little boy or girl. He had his mother make him a little red hat just like Santa’s and he wrapped up the perfect little present and tied it with a yellow ribbon. “Call me Santa Mouse,” he told the other mice in Santa’s house. 

When Santa had finished packing his sleigh, Santa Mouse jumped on board and hid amongst the presents. It didn’t take long before the sleigh took off. The ride was bumpy and Santa Mouse found himself wishing that he’d taken something for motion sickness before stowing away. He crawled out from under the presents to stand on the edge of the sleigh hoping that feeling the wind on his face would ease his nausea. As he did, the sleigh hit some turbulence and Santa Mouse went tumbling out landing in a giant snow drift. His present landed a few inches from him.

It was call and Santa Mouse was scared because he’d never been any place but the North Pole. He didn’t know how he would possibly find his way back to his friends and family again. Just as he was about to clasp in the snow in despair, he noticed a house in the distance. The house was all lit up with Christmas lights so Santa Mouse knew that Santa must be going to that house. It was far for a mouse to walk, especially clutching a present and holding his hat to make sure it didn’t blow off. Finally he made it to the house and was able to sneak inside. Sneaking in was no problem for him. It is second nature for mice. 

The house had a beautiful big Christmas tree and it was so nice and warm in there. Santa Mouse climbed up into the Christmas tree to wait for Santa. In the warmth, he started getting sleepy and before he knew it he fell asleep. 

“Ho, ho, ho,” Santa bellowed awaking Santa Mouse with a start. Santa Mouse scurried down the tree and climbed unnoticed into Santa’s sack. When Santa put his sack in the sleigh Santa Mouse climbed out and got a ride all the way back to the North Pole. Can you guess what the little boy who lived in the house where Santa Mouse slept found in his Christmas tree the next morning? He found a tiny little present wrapped with a yellow ribbon.

If you ever find a little present with a yellow bow in your tree, you’ll know that Santa Mouse has stopped at your house.

That’s the story. Since we no longer had a Christmas tree my mother would wrap a little present with a yellow ribbon for each of us and hide them in the shrubs in the front yard. Every Christmas morning we’d all have to go out in the yard in our pajamas  to hear the Santa Mouse story and get our gifts. It’s very cold on Christmas morning in New Jersey and I swear my mother made the story longer every year, but it was still a great Christmas tradition.

Painting by HikingArtist.com

I forgot to put the files for my video intro on my laptop before I left the UK. Anyway, here’s a video with no great intro music.

The other night I watched a high quality movie on the iPlayer called, Right At Your Door. Actually the high quality part is a bit of an exaggeration. I should just say that I watched a movie.

Spoiler alert: If you are planning to watch Right at Your Door don’t read this post. Chances are you are not planning to watch it and reading this post won’t spoil anything for you. 

The story is about this guy here. His name is Brad or Brian or something that starts with a Br. Brad/Brian and I share similar tastes in shower curtains. Anyway, Brad/Brian is at home minding his own business when suddenly there is a biological terrorist attack on Los Angeles. Brad/Brian just happens to live in LA, so he is a bit concerned.

His wife Lexie is at work in downtown LA and Brad/Brian decides try to find her. Brad/Brian is a musician so he doesn’t have to be anywhere to work during the day and has the luxury of sleeping until 1 in the afternoon.

He tries to go downtown to find Lexie, but some police wearing gas masks stop him and tell him to go home. After seeing them  shoot some guy for no apparent reason, he decides to heed their advice and goes back home.

Once he gets home some random guy comes running into his house. He’s the handyman who works next store. He is locked out of the house he’s working on and the radio said that everyone needs to go inside.  He was wandering if he could stay in the house with Brad/Brian until this whole terrorist attack thing blows over. Brad/Brian says yes. Then the radio tells them to seal up the house by covering up all doors, window, vents, fireplaces, doggy doors and any other openings in the house with duct tape and plastic. At this point I’m looking around my home and thinking I don’t have nearly enough plastic to protect me if there is a biological attack. Heck, I don’t even have any duct tape.

They finally get the house sealed up and then Lexie shows up looking a mess. I guess that’s understandable though since was just in a terrorist attack.

 Brad/Brian won’t let her in though because the radio says that once you seal up your house you have to stay inside and that everyone outside is contaminated and must stay outside. Brad/Brian is distressed. If she had shown up five minutes earlier she could’ve come inside, but now that the house is sealed he can’t let her in. So Lexie gets mad and breaks a window, but Brad/Brian quickly tapes it up. Brad/Brian has become lightning fast with duct tape and plastic.

Meanwhile, handyman guy can’t get in touch with his wife on the phone and decides to leave the house to try to find her. This means he has to un-tape the front door to leave, but Brad/Brian still refuses to let Lexie in.

…but they do have some touching moments through the glass of the plastic covered back door where Brad/Brian talks about how much he loves her and how sorry his is.

Then this dude shows up and he must be an ex-boyfriend or something because Brad/Brian is not happy to see him at all. He convinces Lexie to leave with him to go to the hospital. Brad/Brian keeps yelling for her not to leave with him, but he’s sealed up inside the house so she ignores him and leaves.

It’s a good thing she left because the military shows up looking for infected people and they don’t seem like they want to help anyone by giving them medicine. They test the air inside the house and ask Brad/Brian a bunch of questions.

Lexie comes back the next morning. She couldn’t get into the hospital because it was too crowded and that other dude got hit by a car or something.

They have lots of sensitive moments talking through the glasses about the life they could’ve had together.

Suddenly the military guys come back and they drag Lexie away from the house. Brad/Brian is upset and yells for them to stop, but he can’t do anything really because he’s in a sealed house.

Then the military starts boarding up the house’s doors and window’s with Brad/Brian inside. They say that the test shows that levels of the virus from the biological attack is unusually high in the home and he is a carrier of the disease.

They cover the house with one of those big exterminator tents and pump poisonous gas into the house killing Brad/Brian.

Lexie is just fine and is told she’ll make a speedy recovery.

Needless to say, after I saw that movie my husband was in big trouble. When he got home from his gig I told him that he better not seal himself up in the house and leave me outside if there is a biological terrorist attack. This movie serves as a warning to musician husbands everywhere…If you lock you wife out of the house during a biological terrorist attack you’re probably going to die. Learn the lesson now before it’s too late.

Sorry guys, but there is no video today. My husband is very enthusiastic about packing and most of our home is in boxes. He has arranged most of them in the bedroom because he’s trying to figure out how to pack them into the storage unit. So really I guess I’m the only one with the organizational skills of a tadpole in this house. Don’t worry I won’t show you the toad video ago.

I have something even better than a toad video this time. Here are some great tips about how to slow grind the next time you’re in a dance club. Nothing nasty here. These time are for respectful slow grinding.

We’re looking for a new place to rent and decided to look beyond the Watford area. So we went to look at a house in North Mymms the other day and it raised a lot of questions in my mind.

Firstly, I wonder why North Mymms is spelled with a Y but South Mimms is spelled with an I.

Secondly, I wonder who in the world would want to live in North Mymms. Talk about a depressing place. It was ugly and flat and somehow unfinished looking. It seemed like we weren’t even in England, but instead in some horrible place populated by people who looked like they were at one time very heavy drinkers. Even their dogs were quite unfortunate looking. North Mymms was a bit like one of those gray scale cards you use in photography when you set your white balance. It was a neutral gray place with no charm.

I don’t mean to insult North Mymms or the people living there. I’m sure that if you have a particular love for the color gray and if you have a bulbous red nose you’d love it. You would especially love it if you have an English bull terrier. Actually this picture is a pretty good representation of North Mymms to me.

Here’s an example of the countryside.

Lovely, isn’t it?

Despite all these details real estate in North Mymms is a hot commodity. The place we went there to see was taken by the people who saw it before us. The real estate agent said that as soon as things become available there they are snatched up. Property is booming in North Mymms. I guess there are a lot of red faced, bulbous nosed bull terrier owners who are missing the facial muscles that are used when you smile looking for a place to live.

Now I really can’t move to North Mymms because I’ve probably made a lot of enemies. I heard that  bull terriers can easily tear off a human arm so I won’t be moving there.

Pictures by katesheets and satguru.

Did you know that there is a miracle product residing in your kitchen cupboard? I kind of knew, but was only truly convinced of the baking soda miracle this week when I used it to clean my oven.

When I was in college I took a Spanish class taught by a very interesting teacher. Though I managed not to learn a word Spanish in the class, I did learn about the many uses for baking soda. The teacher spent an entire lesson droning on and on about the uses of baking soda once. The baking soda class and the class he spent explaining how to shrink a human head were the two most memorable classes. At the end of the head shrinking class, he warned us against trying to shrink heads ourselves by saying, “But in some countries there are laws.” Fortunately, there are no laws about the use of baking soda. Here’s a list of things you can do with baking soda.

Note: Baking soda is different from baking powder but the same as bicarbonate soda.

Clean Your Oven: Make a paste with baking soda and water. Put the paste on the dirty bits in your over and let it set over night. In the morning use a wet sponge to wipe it away. If your oven is crazy dirty you’ll have to put some elbow grease into it.

Deodorant: On one of my trips to Florida I forgot to pack deodorant. I put some baking soda under my arms in the morning to keep me smelling fresh when I went to the store to get deodorant. The baking soda worked so well that I never bought deodorant again. Now I feel like deodorant is a scam.

Freshen Your Carpet: Sprinkle some baking soda on you stinky carpet, let it sit for 20 minutes, and then vacuum it up.

Brighten Up Your Wash: Add a cup of baking soda to your laundry to brighten up you wash.

Cool Science Projects: Make a spectacular eruption for your model volcano by mixing baking soda and water.

Are you convinced yet?

Photo by [F]oxymoron

Everyone has a favorite food. Here’s a video about mine.

I know I said the other day that we were as organized as tadpoles, but that’s not really the case. We did have plans originally. We were going to make a million dollars and move back to the States for a while. I bought the special paper and loaded up on colored ink for the making a million dollars part–I figure if governments can randomly print currency, why can’t I–but the moving to the States part just isn’t happening.

A couple of months ago when we were making our final moving plans we found out that I have a prolactinoma. A prolactin-what? Don’t worry, I thought the same thing when the endocrinologist told me. A prolactinoma is a benign tumor on your pituitary gland. The pituitary gland is the orange thing in this picture.

Tumors on the pituitary gland are usually not such a big deal considering that roughly 25 percent of the population has small growths on their pituitary glands that cause no problems at all. Most don’t even know that they have them. Occasionally these tumors will secrete hormones and that can cause problems.

My tumor secretes prolactin. Prolactin is a hormone associated with pregnancy that causes lactation. The good news is that I may have a future as a wet nurse. I wonder how much they get paid.

Though I can be quite obsessed with the idea of being ill, when I actually find out I have something wrong with me my first instinct is to do nothing. Ignore it and it will go away is my philosophy. Well with this that kind of isn’t an option. If left untreated increased amounts of prolactin causes early menopause and osteoporosis. There is also the minor issue of the tumor possibly continuing to grow and causing blindness to consider too.

These tumors can usually be treated with medication. Sometimes surgery is necessary to remove them though. Right now I’m taking a medication called cabergoline to shrink my tumor. It made me feel lousy for the first few weeks of taking it, but I read somewhere that if you take it before going to bed at night the side effects are less severe. That seems to be working so that’s great.

This affects our move to the States because of health insurance. I now have a pre-existing condition that needs monitoring. There’s nothing health insurance companies hate more than pre-existing conditions and monitoring. Drats!! Those health insurance companies are a real pain in the back side.

Anyway, that’s where things stand at the moment. I’m largely unfazed. It’s kind of a waiting game for now.

We’ll be moving soon. The funny thing is that we have no idea where we’ll be moving. My husband and I have just about as many organizational skills as tadpoles. Speaking of tadpoles have you ever seen this?

Nature is beautiful and all that, but sometimes it is horror movie worthy.

Anyway, back to moving…

Part of the reason we’re moving is that realistically our flat is kind of dreadful. In this case dreadful means moldy and damp. Now that we’re moving out our landlord is trying to re-lease the place. She’s also trying to raise the rent by 50  pounds a month. The real estate company or estate agent or whatever you call it has been showing people around our home. Even though we’re packing things in boxes we have the keep the place looking nice so perspective tenants can view the property.

Normally keeping this place looking good would be easy, but when sorting through long forgotten drawers and random boxes in closets–oh wait we only have one closet–the task is a bit more challenging. This is a tiny apartment, but we have somehow managed to ram so much stuff in here its unbelievable.

We’ve recently sorted through our stacks of CD cases. My husband has put them all in a bag to go out, but he doesn’t know that the next time he goes out I’m going to build an igloo out of them. All I need to do is to buy a hot glue gun and the building can commence.  I think a CD case igloo would be a wonderful feature that would justify the new rental price for this place.

The funny thing is that when we rented this flat the estate agent seemed kind of shocked. Apparently, they had been trying to rent it out for a while with no success. We were desperate enough to move in anywhere so we took it. Now when new people come to view the property I can see by the looks on their faces that they arent’ going take it. If I ever get a moment alone with any of them I always mention the damp problem. That  doesn’t help the situation much.

If I build the igloo maybe it would make up for the fact that I keep telling everyone about the damp…and I’ll have an excuse to buy a hot glue gun. Every woman wants a hot glue gun.