Not So Happy Halloween

It’s Halloween, a holiday that some people look forward to all year. I’m not one of those people. I’ve been dreading Halloween for a good thirty days now. I’m not afraid of ghost, goblins, or witches. Jack O’Laterns are a-okay too. I don’t believe the superstitious nonsense about black cats, but I am terrified of trick-or-treaters.

What is an anxiety ridden person such as myself to do on this terrible holiday where you’re expected to open the door to strangers all night? I don’t care if they are eleven years old, they’re still strangers who could possibly have bad intentions especially when they find out I don’t have any candy because I’ve opted to celebrate American Cheese Month instead of Halloween. I can only handle one holiday at a time people.

Since I am socially awkward, I usually don’t have any place to go on Halloween, so I end up hiding out in my house instead. I’m serious about hiding out too. I turn out the lights and stay away from the windows.

A normal person would just go to the store today and buy some Halloween candy and a witch’s hat, but Halloween candy is hard. Crawling around on the floor all night hoping no one realizes your home is much easier. Maybe I should just go sit around at the mall until the coast is clear.

While I wait things out at the mall, you can watch this video my husband made a couple of years ago. It’s scary!


Halloween is this month, and I just got through watching all of Twin Peaks, so I decided to make a scary video. I bet you had no idea that my life was so terrifying.

Can’t see this video? Click here.

Walking Chompyface

So I should’ve had this video up yesterday, but there were a few glitches. It seems like everything I do this week is a day late and a dollar short, as they say.

Anyway … about the video. This is a dog walking video. If you like dogs and whistling you may be vaguely entertained. If you prefer cats and kazoos, you should probably skip this one. I’ll be getting a kazoo for next week’s video, and I’m sure I can barrow a cat from a friend.

The dog in the video is played by Reginald P. Chompyface. The people are holograms of actual human beings. The “neighborhood” is actually a sound stage on Mars. The music was written and performed by PatriQ. He asks that you ignore the bad guitar playing.

Can’t see this video? No worries. Click here.

Vlogging is Fun

I decided to try my hand at vlogging today, because I had a really funny story to tell you about something that happened to me this morning. Let’s just say that I’m better at conveying stories in written form. I decided to post the resulting vlog anyway. The first thing you might notice is that it sounds like I live in a jungle.

Can’t see this video? Just click here.

Self-Portraits, An Exercise in Crazy

The only thing I love doing more than making silly videos is taking self-portraits. This week I decided to combine the two to make a wacky video. Thanks to my brilliant husband for making the scary sound effects. Everything is better with sound effects. The funniest part is when I say, “Thanks for watching,” at the end of all this madness.

Can’t see this video? Just click here.

Life as a Blogger

I’ve been trying to upload this video to stinking You Tube all day. By the fourth time I was getting so angry I could’ve smashed something, but for some reason I decided to read the little error box that came up when my video failed to load. The other three times I quickly closed the box without reading it. Let’s just say that the failure to load business that I’d been dealing with all day was my fault not You Tube’s. Too bad, because I liked it being You Tube’s fault so much better.

Here’s the video, and yes I really do bash my computer like that when I’m annoyed. It’s shocking it still works.

Can’t see this video. No worries. Click here.

International World State Pushup Champion

I don’t like to brag. That’s why I didn’t tell you that I won the title of International World State Pushup Champion earlier, but now that I’ve done a worldwide interview I guess the cat’s out of the bag. Hope you enjoy the video.

Can’t see this video? Click here.

Humpty Dumpty Pump Bump

Many people don’t seem to realize that, besides writing this extremely witty and interesting blog, I write songs. That’s right, I’m a lyricist and composer. I’ve been working on this song for about six months now. Something still isn’t quite working, but it is nearly perfect. Once I’ve cleaned it up a bit, I’ll shop it around to the big pop stars. They are all vying for the chance to record my songs.

Can’t see this video. No worries. Just click here.