The War on Christmas

It’s December 4th and the war on Christmas has already begun. Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner? I love a good war especially a good pretend one.

I’ve been trying to figure out what one might wear to properly fight a war on a holiday and I’m thinking that if I pair some camouflage pants with an oversized Christmas sweater that might work. I think I have a Christmas ornament in a box in the closet. I could throw it at someone whilst yelling “Happy Holidays.” Or am I supposed to be yelling “Merry Christmas?” The problem is that I have no idea who the enemy is. I wouldn’t want to assault the wrong person with a glitter covered pine cone or yell the wrong joyful phrase.

Wars on holidays suck. It’s all too vague. If only I had a copy of Mannheim Steamroller Christmas. I heard that if I play the album backwards I’d find out everything I need to help win this war. Or maybe I’ll find out how to make a perfect chocolate souffle. Either way a copy of the album could be useful. Eggnog would be useful too, but I’m too tired to go to the store. Wouldn’t it be good if you could download eggnog?

Comments

  1. says

    LOL. I think playing Mannheim Steamroller loudly in either direction is one of the key weapons in the War on Christmas. But I’m also unclear which side uses that tact.

  2. says

    Oh I am glad you can write this from such a place of humor. I wish I could find that happy place. I am mad about the war on Christmas. But I will take your advice and listen to Mannheim Steamroller and drink eggnog!