I have an official announcement to make. Here at the Mooch we like to keep you informed that’s why we do all our informing in the form of official announcements. But first I need to tell you a story about a little girl with a serious expression and crooked pigtails. I’m too lazy to scan a picture so I drew one instead.
Great likeness, don’t you think?
This little girl dreamed of traveling the world. She dreamed of speaking eight languages and having a passport with so many stamps that it needed to get extra pages added. One way she thought she could do that was by becoming a US Ambassador.
She would be able to go to lavish parties in foreign countries and meet heads of state. She would be worldly and sophisticated.
As she matured, she realized that in order to become an ambassador she’d have to take a test. She hated tests and never really did well on them.
She’d also need certain connections to certain powerful people. When she found out that the fact that Steve Wynn nearly sat in her father’s lap once and her mother once dated a relative of Chubby Checker weren’t the right kind of connections, she gave up on her dream. “They probably don’t like ambassadors to be silly anyway,” she thought as she took her place on the factory floor making Thingymajigs and Whatsamabobs.
Have you ever heard the saying a cat on a tin roof is probably really uncomfortable? No … neither have I. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying never give up on a dream though, right?
Well that little girl with crooked pigtails and a serious expression became a woman with fuzzy hair and a face, and on this very day she also became a brand ambassador for Cottonelle’s #LetsTalkBums campaign. That means that Cottonelle will pay her some cash moneys to step away from the Thingymajig and Whatsamabob assembly line to talk about wiping bums. Don’t be embarrassed. We all have bums, and hopefully we all wipe them at some point. If you don’t I really don’t want to know.
Thanks Cottonelle for not taking wiping too seriously and thanks Mooch readers for actually wiping. We all really appreciate it. Let the ambassading begin.
Note: Yes I’m aware that ambassading isn’t a word, but since when has anything like that stopped me. I just used hashtags in my post title for goodness sakes. I’m letting it all hang out today.