I’ve recently decided that I should quit this whole blogging thing and dedicate my life to fighting crime. I don’t want to be a police officer or anything like that, I’m thinking more along the lines of becoming a superhero. I’ve been trying to think of a good superhero name and the only thing I’ve been able to come up with is The Mosquito. The name is appropriate for Florida and whenever I’m outside I attract so many mosquitoes that I honestly don’t understand how I’ve managed not to get West Nile Virus or Malaria.
As a superhero, I’d fly to places where crime is taking place and buzz around the bad guys until they become so annoyed that they can’t commit a crime. If my buzzing around doesn’t distract them enough, I’d bite them infecting them with West Nile Virus.
Now that I have a name and a superpower, I need to come up with an outfit. The outfit is the hard part. Of course I’ll have a cape. What’s the point in being a superhero if you don’t have a cape? The problem with superhero outfits is that they are way too revealing. Wonder Woman looks like a stripper. I was thinking about going with the skintight rubbery outfit like Batman. But I’m not into skintight. I have a bit of a belly. So then I was thinking I could keep the rubbery look, but the outfit could be loose and sack-like.
The problem is this is Florida and I’m sure that rubbery stuff doesn’t breathe very well. I’d probably be sweating up a storm in my rubbery superhero suit. All the sweat would collect and I’d be sloshing around like a big water balloon. It would probably totally prevent me from flying. Why does being a superhero have to be so hard? Now I know why Batman never smiles.
Maybe being a superhero isn’t such a good idea. I guess I’ll stick with blogging for now.
Picture by morningshadow.