The Partially Bionic Woman

Just the other day I was thinking it would be nice if I had two robotic arms. They would be in addition to my regular arms not in place of them. The robotic arms could attach at the bottom of my ribcage below my normal arms. Imagine how much I could get done with two extra arms. Talk about multitasking!

Cooking dinner while writing a post would be no problem. Darning a sock while watching television would be a breeze. Actually, I guess I wouldn’t need an extra set of arms to do that. Does anyone actually darn socks anymore? Wait, I don’t even have a television. There goes that idea.

I know I could get a ton done with four arms. I’ve never understood why octopi are so unproductive. They have eight arms and they’re supposed to be intelligent. What do they do all day? Swim and hunt, that’s what. I think the average octopus should take up knitting and open an Esty shop. They’d really be able to turn out product. Yes, that scarf you ordered may be a bit wet and salty when it arrives in the mail, but it was made by an octopus. Now that’s something to brag about. At least it is until everyone has one because if all the octopi in the world started selling their knitted goods online the market would eventually be glutted. That hasn’t happened yet though, so I’m not going to worry about it.

Back to my robotic arms … I’d make sure they were super strong that way I’d never need help getting the lid off a jar again. I could just smash them open instead. People could call me The Partially Bionic Woman. I’ve always wanted a nickname. I would probably even get my own reality show on TLC. I’d be like Octomom with less mom and more oco.

Having two robotic arms wouldn’t be all sunshine and sausages though. There would of course be a downside. I’d have a hard time buying shirts at the store and I’m certainly not going to start making my own clothes. Maybe an extra set of arms isn’t such a good idea, but what about an extra set of legs? I could be onto something there.