The Best Invention

If you don’t know who Dr. Philippe-Guy Woog was I question the quality of the education you received as a youth. In 1954 Woog invented something that completely changed life as I know it–the electric toothbrush. Of course Woog was Swiss. Those clever Swiss, they’re so good with army knives, bank accounts, cheese, and oral hygiene.

I never realized how lazy I was before I got an electric toothbrush. No more of that moving the toothbrush up and down, or around in small circles, or whatever the heck you’re supposed to do. Now I just hold the toothbrush against my teeth and let the spinning bristle head do all the work. That’s probably not how you’re supposed to do it, but I don’t care. I floss everyday. I think I deserve a break. Now when brushing my teeth I can listen to the soothing hum of the toothbrush whilst contemplating my place in the universe.

Manual toothbrushes just seem like such a drag to me. Why would you drive a Gremlin when you have a Porsche parked in the garage? I know nothing about cars; I just made that up on the fly. I’m not even sure if a Gremlin is a car and my electric toothbrush has made me so lazy that I’m not going to look it up.

Now all I need is some sort of electric flossing device that I just stick in my mouth. I could floss hands-free whilst typing. That would be the life. Or maybe I could have some kind of automatic toothbrush implanted in my cheek that would pop out and do the job whenever necessary. I wouldn’t have to do anything at all. I need someone to invent that. I can’t. I don’t get up until 9 and everyone knows that all the best inventions happen between 7:43 and 8:32 in the morning.

Photo by Rob Ellis