A Perfect World

A super storm is barreling towards the American Northeast and I find myself worrying. Even though the storm isn’t coming anywhere near me, I still feel the need to hunker down. Living in Florida makes me feel nervous whenever I hear the word hurricane. Right now I have an uncontrollable desire to go the the grocery store and buy batteries, bottles of water and beef jerky. No one can ride out a storm without beef jerky.

Wouldn’t life be easier if we could control the weather? I’m not saying that it should be sunny all the time. We could have appropriate weather for the season. It just shouldn’t be too severe. It should snow on Christmas, but not too much. It could rain for a day, but not for a solid month like I swear it did in England last spring. It could be hot in summer, but not heat-stroke hot. Winter wouldn’t last so long that it makes you feel like killing yourself. We could get rid of these hurricanes and tornadoes and such and just have the occasional thunderstorm. Hey, I hate thunderstorms so allowing an occasional one is my version of compromise.

While I’m designing my ideal world here, wouldn’t be nice if there were no traffic jams, everyone were honest, there was always a rainbow in the sky, and unicorns galloped freely through the fields? Okay, scratch the unicorn part. I just imagined myself being chased by a wild unicorn and getting impaled on its horn.

But, wouldn’t it be nice if Pegasus (How do you pluralize that? Can you pluralize that?) flew through the sky? Maybe not. I just pictured a giant Pegasus turd landing on my head while I was taking a walk on a lovely not-too-hot summer day.

How about this? Wouldn’t be nice if you could enjoy a snack in the park without being stalked by an aggressive squirrel that seems like it might knife you at any minute for a potato chip? Wouldn’t that be nice – perfect weather, no unicorns or Pegasus, no threats of squirrel attacks? Why can’t the world be more like that?