Wake Up Before Nine …. No Way

I’m exhausted today because I got up way before any sane human being should–seven thirty. You see normally I have the luxury of sleeping in until about nine. That’s what happens when you work for yourself and no longer have a school-aged child in the home.

When some people hear that I sleep until nine they try to shame me by saying things like, “Heck, I’ve already written a thirteen hundred page novel and constructed three of the walls of the vacation home I’m building myself out of popsicle sticks and elephant dung.” I think they are trying to imply that I’m lazy because I don’t haul my butt out of bed before nine. I’m not lazy though. I just value sleep.

People like my mother will stay up until one in the morning and wake up at five and say something like, “I only really need four hours of sleep.” It’s like a way of proving yourself. “I only got two hours of sleep last night and I’m totally fine.” People act like getting up early is some kind of virtue. Remember these ads for the army.

Talk about a way to get me not to want to join the army. Since when is having an extremely busy morning a way to attract young adults. Hey nineteen year old who normally sleeps until one you should join the army so you can get up really early and do a whole lot of stuff before nine in morning.

I actually thought about joining the military once because I like uniforms and guns, but then I realized that I’d have to get up way too early so I applied for a job at the post office instead … because I like uniforms and guns. They never called me back because apparently putting that you like uniforms and guns on your application makes them reluctant to hire you. I should’ve explained that I meant water guns. I didn’t care though because postal workers have to get up way too early in the morning too.

In order to be a nice person that others might want to have a bit of a conversation with I have to get at least eight hours sleep and those eight hours must be between one and nine. That’s all there is too it. Otherwise, I’m walking around like a frizzy haired zombie that will suck all of the happiness and joy out of you because I’m too tired for smiling or conversation.

That’s why I’m exhausted today. That’s why I lumbered by you without saying hello or even giving a head nod of acknowledgment. Tomorrow I’ll be sure to wake up at a more reasonable hour and you can tell me all about how far you’ve gotten building your vacation home then.

Photo by gui.tavares