Now that the extended Diamond Jubilee weekend is over I thought I’d do a quick recap. Even though the Queen wasn’t polite enough to show up for my citizenship ceremony, I watched her little Jubilee celebration. One of us has to have some manners and I thought it was up to me to be the bigger person.
Day One: In true English style, it rained all over the opening pageant. I always thought a pageant involved women in sashes talking about world peace, modeling swimsuits and displaying talents like juggling. This pageant didn’t have any of that. Too bad because I was quite excited to see the Queen juggle. The pageant did have a lot of boats though.
Day Two: The best thing about the Jubilee was the concert. I don’t know if the Queen thought it was the best thing. I’m betting that she enjoyed the pageant more just because she looks like someone who likes boats more than music. One of the highlights was Grace Jones hula hooping through an entire song.
“She’s not going to do this through the whole song,” I kept saying. She did. She’s like sixty years old, wearing a plastic outfit and hula hooping. You’ve got to love Grace Jones.
For some reason all of the American performers thought it was the Queen’s birthday. Didn’t they realize that if it was her birthday she’d be wearing one of those paper party hats.
Day Three: On the last day of the celebration the Queen did something at St. Paul’s Cathedral. I don’t know what exactly happened. I suspect that it didn’t involve hula hoops or juggling so I didn’t watch it.
Now the Jubilee is over people are taking down their Union Jacks and life has returned to normal. It’ll be another ten years before we get a Jubilee celebration. I think ten years is too long to wait. I think I’ll petition the Queen to have another Jubilee celebration in two years.