Nebulous Mooch

I always have to pee during movies. I think it’s because I think about it way too much. Whenever I’m in a situation where I can’t or shouldn’t go that’s when I have to go the most.

Once when I was in college I got locked in my dorm room. The door knob broke or something. I don’t remember what the problem was exactly, but after only five minutes stuck in there I had to pee so badly I thought I would die. I considered peeing in the trash can, but decided against it. Even if I relieved my stressed bladder I’d still be stuck in a tiny room. Being stuck in my dorm room with a bucket of pee didn’t seem appealing to me. I had to get out.

While one of my friends worked on getting me out of the room from the hall, I decided to plan an escape. I lived on the second floor of the dormitory and after surveying the situation carefully I determined that I could probably jump and be totally fine. I was convinced that the grass outside could cushion my fall. It was slightly overgrown and relatively thick for grass. If I tucked and rolled as I hit the ground the rolling would distribute the impact.

I had one leg hanging out of the window when the door finally flew open. Lucky for me, because my rolling plan probably would’ve resulted in a broken neck. I got to the bathroom before my bladder burst and then thanked my friend for his handy work, which upon reflection I think all he did was turn the door knob really hard.

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