Nebulous Mooch

We all have talents. Some people can play an instrument. Others are great at public speaking. Others excel at shadier things, like lying. These are all respectable talents to have, but I think I have one of the best talents out there. I excel at making faces.

The only way to get as good as I am at making faces is with practice. Let me tell you, I’ve put in many hours of practice. I’ve spent hours in front of the mirror contorting my face until the muscles cramp. That’s the kind of sacrifice I’m willing to make to develop my talent.

Here’s an example of one of my best faces.

This face required a lot strength in the forehead and mouth muscles. Luckily, I’m in shape so I can handle it. The best thing about my talent for making faces is that my face muscles are very strong. This comes in handy when you have to do something strenuous with your face.

When we drove by the local park about a week ago, we noticed some men playing American football. Of course, my husband was thrilled. After taking us home, he walked down to the park to watch them play. When he finally came back home he had an announcement to make.

“They asked me to join the team,” he told me.

“You’re not joining the team.” It’s full contact tackle football. I know they wear padding but still. My husband is not a large man.

“I’m thinking about it. I could play…” This is where he named some position that I didn’t really care about because all I could picture in my head were the broken bones and loss of work that might result from this adventure.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” I protested.

“Come on. I could tell people I’ve played on the British American Football League. It’ll be great.”

“If you live to tell about it,” I said.

I don’t like being one of those wives who rains all over the parade, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I mean come on. Why does he think he can start a football career at 43 years old?

He hasn’t joined the team and says he won’t, but from time to time when I catch him staring off into space I ask, “What’re you thinking about?” and he says, “Joining the football team.”