Tuck, Tuck, Tuck

Our sofa is covered with a slipcover. I received this slipcover as a wedding present from my grandmother. I am indeed grateful for it, because we couldn’t afford to buy new furniture, and state of my husband’s sofa was appalling. While we were dating, he was always sure to cover it completely with a sheet before I came over so that he wouldn’t have to hear my comments about it. I don’t know how old it is, or what color it might have been at one time. There’s no way of knowing these things. What I do know is that it is disgusting.

So my grandmother gave me a nice, soft, brown slipcover to cover it with. When we first got it we laid it over the sofa the way it was pictured in the instructions. Then we did what the instructions told us to do which was, “Tuck, tuck, tuck!” Believe me there was a lot of tucking to do.

The problem with the slipcover is that no where in the instructions, or on the package, did it warn us that we would be tuck, tuck, tucking for the rest of our lives. The slipcover looks very good after being properly tucked in but once someone sits on it, it’s all over. What am I supposed to say to guests? “Please sit anywhere but the sofa.” “Make yourself comfortable in this straight back dining room chair.” “You can sit on the floor here, use the bottom of the sofa to rest your back against.” Sofas are made for sitting, but slipcovers are not.

Someone told me that if I put a broom handle down in the sofa it would hold the slipcover in place. This is not true. The broom handle does nothing. It just gives me extra steps to fixing the slipcover. Now I take the broom handle out, tuck, tuck, tuck, and put the broom handle back in.

Today my husband told me that the sofa is so much nicer to nap on with the slipcover. He said that the slipcover makes it soft and comfortable. He told me this while I was tuck, tuck, tucking about an hour ago. Now he’s taking a nap on it. I won’t fix it again today. I’ve limited my tuck, tuck, tucking to once a day. The slipcover will just have to be disheveled until tomorrow. I have better ways to spend my time.